Train No. 546

The raindrops trickling down the window; the 10 year old looking outside into the green fields in wonder; the businessman sitting by his computer planing his next project; the youths sitting with their backpacking gear, laughing and talking about their next trip; the family sitting comfortably next to each other in silence, occasionally exchanging a warm smile. It was all there, in one wagon on train no. 546. 

I didn’t notice it at first, I was too busy dwelling in my own thoughts. Then I put on my headset.The music silenced my thoughts as I felt every single note in my body, as dancers usually do. I glanced up from my phone and started observing the people around me.

There were so many different people in one little space. I don’t know why, but after a while I started to feel my eyes water. I felt ridiculous. These were just completely random people and nobody was really doing anything out of the ordinary, and yet here I was crying. I knew that if anyone had seen me they probably would have thought I was sad, but I wasn’t. I didn’t feel sad or angry over all the shit going on in the world outside of that train, I wasn’t consumed by the things I was struggling with in my own life, I just appreciated everything that I was surrounded by right then and there. I was inspired. Inspired by the beauty of the rain and the nature passing by my window. Inspired by the curiosity and vivid imagination behind the 10 year old’s eyes, the businessman’s focus and motivation, the backpackers’ sense of excitement and adventure, and the families loving and nurturing smiles. I didn’t know these people, and I didn’t doubt that each of them had their own problems, but in that moment I didn’t care, and neither did they.

People often focus so much on the flaws of the world and of us humans that they hardly ever stop to see all the good. It’s hard to when the worst parts of our history seem to constantly be repeating themselves. We should never stop trying to make this world a better place, but we should also never let ourselves be so consumed by our fear, doubt and hate that we are blinded from seeing all the beauty in everyday life. Even the worst moments can’t change what is good.

At times when I’ve felt helpless, sad or angry it doesn’t mean that I don’t have curiosity, motivation, excitement or compassion. It just means that in that moment that isn’t my focus, but it’s still there. I can choose to bring it out of me anytime I want to. It might not always take away the pain or guilt or whatever negative reality there is out there, but it will help me get myself together and help me move forward. It will motivate me to change what needs change, not trough childish insults and power games, but by proving all the judgmental people out there that their prejudices about say… a multicultural, bisexual woman, are not true. AND by not letting their judgment bring me down to their level of blinding hate.

So try stepping out of your mind for just a minute, and take a closer look around you. You might notice that life is actually pretty awesome, despite the occasional shitshow. Once you start to see the beauty in all the small things you start feeling less hopeless, because now you have something stronger than fear and hate to drive you. You have a big, mysterious, beautiful world, and a lot of amazing people worth fighting for.

 

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